life sign
Hi uh yea. So, that thing I said about overcoming my inner perfectionist and posting half-baked thoughts on a somewhat regular schedule? The thing about forcing myself to leave some sort of trace out there? About voicing my opinions and contributing to discussions?
Turns out, pretty hard.
It's not that I don't know what I want to talk about. There's like four rough drafts and five more ideas in my head. It's just ... You know ...
Oh, who am I kidding. I fell down a hole of work obligations at the start of the year and even once those went away, I did not get the mental energy back to actually write anything for here. It's not that I didn't try, some of these drafts have multiple iterations and a bunch of effort put in. I even went insane at some point in the middle and re-wrote an entire post draft on paper. Don't ask me why, I couldn't tell you.
I think it's some subconscious thing where I was looking (as I so often do unfortunately) for the perfect tool or way of working, trying software and frameworks to find a "perfect" way of working. My mother always somewhat tongue-in-cheek calls my father's and my's obsession with finding the optimal tools EiP -- "Equipment instead of Power" -- as a shorthand reminder when we're deep in some rabbit hole about a tool that we're never ever gonna use that extensively anyway, in a context where raw power would have been good enough anyway.
So I've thrown the tools out. I am writing this in Obsidian (for the sole reason of organization and Android app-ness, it does not actually matter) on my phone while I lie in bed and ponder my life again. Apparently these sick moments are the only ones where I do not care enough about perfection to actually produce viable output. I should probably reflect on that some more, now that I write it out like this.
Anyway, maybe there will be some actual posts this time. I'd like to say I feel more motivated now. Don't be confused if some of the next posts will be contributing to discussions that are already weeks or months past -- as I said, there have been a lot of drafts and ideas over the past months.
I am still trying to find my voice and style, so be warned that some of the topics and ideas might feel weird or unfitting to whatever picture you might have of me up until now. If the "you" reading this actually exists, I legitimately have not looked at the analytics on this once. I know at least one person read at least one thing (iykyk), so hi again :) if you came back.
I don't really have an ending to this, so ... Things will happen as they may. Or not. Who are we to say, Anyway?